Saving Face

I've discovered that life these days is all about saving face. In relationships one of the most important things is to allow the other person to save face. To confront with wrongdoing can be the ultimate sin. Whistleblowers these days are not protected. They are hunted down and destroyed never to work again. Just look at the woman who blew open the Enron fiasco. When asked if she has a job, she said no. All she can do is go around the country telling her story. No one will hire her because she poses a threat. Everyone knows she won't keep her mouth shut, if she sees someone do something wrong.

What are you supposed to do when you see someone do something wrong that will also cause you harm? What was she supposed to do? Blend into the background and allow it to continue? No one seems to care these days whether something is right or wrong. It's all about saving face.

I tried another social experiment last week. It wasn't planned. It just happened. I was kind to someone who has caused me great harm. I was genuinely nice. I felt like a Jew being kind to Hitler. I guess I hoped it would end the escalation. I guess I hoped he would stop. I guess I hoped he would say he was sorry for all he has tried to do to me. I think all it did was to justify in his mind that he was right in the beginning.

Ah, well... Am I sorry for being nice? No. I cling fast to my values. I forgave a long time ago. I feel strongly that it is important to be nice, no matter how I am treated.

If I were younger, I'd go to law school. I'd arm myself with knowledge of the law so no one would ever be able to take away so much again and I'd help protect others from having this happen to them. The law is like martial arts--it's the armor of protection in case you need to use it in an emergency. People don't mess with attorneys. I would feel protected and I'd always be nice. :-)