Eugene Marathon 2007

On April 29th on Sunday, my sons, Benjamin and Daniel Haber ran in the inaugural Eugene Marathon. Ben is approaching the finish line in the first photo. In the second photo is Daniel on the left and Ben on the right. This was one of the best days of my life to see both my sons come through the finish line strong with great times. Ben came in with a personal record of 2 hours and 30 minutes coming in 13th place and Daniel came in with 4 hours and 3 minutes for his first marathon. It was thrilling to watch at the finish line. Ben is sponsored by Brooks, Seattle Running Club, and is an elite distance runner.

Everyone who entered the race received a beautiful Nike marathon shirt. I sure thought that was nice since this doesn't happen in all marathons. The top 100 finishers received a Nike finisher shirt.

I can see the Eugene Marathon becoming bigger and stronger every year. The flat course is along the Willamette River on both sides for most of the 26.2 miles. A couple of bands played along the course making it more fun for all the participants. It's important for Eugene to have a strong marathon since Eugene represents Steve PreFontaine, Nike, Bill Bowerman, the University of Oregon, and all that is great about running. This is the one marathon that should be supported by the entire running community all over the world.

Each participant was a winner in my book. Running is the hardest and most difficult sport. I admire all distance runners and would love to be able to run the Eugene Marathon myself.

There should be more of a tribute to running in the media, coverage of important running events on television, and a splash across the sports pages in all newspapers. I did see KEZI with a car in the parking lot. Thank you KEZI. The list of all participants in the Eugene Marathon 2007 will be published in the Tuesday issue of the Eugene Register-Guard. Thank you, Register-Guard for your coverage. www.registerguard.com

The great running magazine, Northwest Runner has the results up already. www.nwrunner.com

You can see the results at www.nwrunner.com/results/searchable.html. Thank you, Northwest Runner.

American Idol

American Idol just started. Last night I voted the most for Blake Lewis, my favorite. I didn't vote for Phil Stacey or Lakisha. Everyone's a star. Everyone's a winner who will go on to make records and sign recording contracts. I'm happy for them all.

Supreme Court

My husband told me that he heard over Fox News that the U.S. Supreme Court has banned partial birth abortions. It's about time! I have never understood how any doctor who takes the Hipocratic Oath can justify partial birth abortions except in extreme cases where the mother's life is threatened.

I can understand abortion only in limited cases but not as a birth control. I can understand a young woman who wants another chance in life. I can understand in the cases of rape, incest, when the baby is brain damaged or retarded, when the mother is a drug abuser, and when the mother's life is threatened. However, if a woman has three abortions, I think it's time to look at sterilization. We are talking about human life and it should be protected.

I've always been interested in the U.S. Supreme Court. When I homeschooled my children in Arroyo Grande, California, we debated famous Supreme Court law cases. My oldest son, Aaron aspired to be Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court. The photo above is my son, Aaron on the top bunk sometime after his birthday since the balloons have deflated and sitting on the bottom bunk are Gretchen and Benjamin. Notice the Happy Birthday sign that said "Future Chief Justice of the U.S. Supreme Court, Aaron R. Haber!"

Years later my husband and I visited the U.S. Supreme Court in Washington, D.C. It was my favorite place. Next was the Holocaust Museum, then the Smithsonian.

Creating a Business

I've decided to start a business and initiated the design patent process with legalzoom.com as recommended by Kim Commando at www.commando.com, a radio show that I listen to about computers as I drive to work on Sunday mornings. They seem to be a great online legal firm with a great reputation.

I've already outlined basic overall strategy and a business plan.

I was inspired to take action based on one of my inventions after reading an article in the Corvallis Gazette Times about an Alsea resident who designed a gate latch for her horse. Scotty Jones found a patent firm in Philomath. She's smarter than I because I couldn't find reference to it. My husband, Leslie already purchased her gate latch for our front gate on the driveway before this article was published in the newspaper. How exciting to see new designs and products launched and sold! Scotty Jones sells this unique gate latch at www.u-latch.com.

I later found out about the Patent Agent in Philomath and got her name and number. I've met her before. Lori Friedman brilliant and a nice person. I met her at Timberhill Athletic Club. I'm sitting on several ideas and inventions.

Dave Barry

Dave Barry always makes me laugh. I don't think we laugh enough. I was looking through my e-mail and found the Dave Barry Newsletter and took a peek into his column in the Miami Herald entitled, "Night of the Living Roach."

Take a look and read. I guarantee you will laugh. If you don't, I question whether you are among the living.

www.miamiherald.com/283/story/39189.html

Dave Barry's genius is looking at life with a different tilt making us laugh at ourselves and life. I remember watching him on BookTV on C-Span2 speaking at the Miami Book Fair. He was funny then. He's funny now.

2007 Grassroots Survey of Democratic Leaders

I answered a survey that I received in the mail for the National Democratic Party.

My priorities of issues are ranked as follows: 1. health care affordability, 2. ethics in government, 3. protecting the environment, 4. national energy policy, 5. improving public education, 6. stem cell research are at the top of the list.

Here are a few of my thoughts:

We should be educating mothers when they are pregnant and teach them how to teach their children. Gifted children need to be challenged and educated.

Social security should be untouchable. When so many people now live pay check to pay check, how in the world can they be expected to make investments for their future?

We should protect American workers, American jobs, America, and the Constitution.

In 2007, why in the world aren't women equal under the Constitution of the United States?

Why isn't the integrity of the election process protected?

All political leaders need to be accountable. We need ethical leaders who don't make up their own rules when it's convenient.

The elderly need to be protected.

We should not be educating terrorists and allowing them to move in and out of our country freely.

We shouldn't go to war without documenting evidence and without cooperation from all allies. Some leaders in this country seem to love war instead of wanting to build bridges and understanding.

Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

I read in the Gazette Times this morning that Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is defending the Book of Mormon and is puzzled by many mainstream Christians who do not respect the faith.

In my opinion, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints need to clean up their act and remember that Jesus commanded Christians to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and to treat everyone as if they are your brother. When I was active in this church, going to the Portland Temple weekly, tithing, and spending enough hours for a full time job volunteering, I encountered some troubling truths that I wasn't told about when I first joined in 1995. I have witnessed too many church leaders who are Sunday Mormons and who brag about it. Their ethics go out the window during the week while they act as Saints on Sunday. On many Christmas and Easter holidays, I didn't see a difference from the rest of the year in this church. Why? Jesus is part of the name of this church so why? This was troubling to me as someone who grew up as a Lutheran going to church every Sunday with my parents. The history of the church seems to be a higher priority. They don't want to concentrate on the death of Jesus so that is the reason why Mormons don't wear crosses. I think they pick and choose. The dominant themes in the church and what is studied is mainly about church leaders and the history of the church. The church should be renamed as the Church of Joseph Smith.

I knew I was in trouble when I went to the temple for the first time and took a vow not to laugh loudly. This is ridiculous. It is healthy to laugh and be joyous. They consider someone who drinks coffee as someone who is sinning and yet they commit serious ethical offenses as if they cannot do any wrong. Just try to make a temple-going Mormon laugh. They will try to swallow their laugh before they will laugh loudly.

When leaders make agregious errors in judgment, they are not relieved of duty or chided. They say that even if a mistake was made, it was meant to happen. They don't say their sorry. Everything that a leader does was meant to happen and is ordained by God. They are full of themselves. They believe that God dictates their every action but I have witnessed that they do not live by the rules of God and the Bible. They live by their own rules believing that they write scripture. Scripture is ongoing for Mormons and that is why the sacred texts keep continuing. Mormons believe in many Gods, not one God. They believe that if they are righteous that they will die to become a God and rule a world. When I first joined this church, I found books about Mormons in the cult section at Christian book stores. Now they are mixed in with the rest. Now I understand.

I have watched them shun, commit crimes, and use their power to commit unrighteous acts. They are a political and social group. Yes, they are great at keeping families busy, especially women busy. Relief Society for the women is the original group of Stefford Wives. I think that this is so that the men know what their women are doing so they can go out and conquer the world.

Maybe there is a reason why former Mormons are asked to be rebaptized when joining another church. Maybe there is a reason why many Christians don't respect this religion. Maybe they see how machaevellian the leaders are and how ready to manipulate in the name of Heavenly Father. They are secretive. They will work to destroy reputations and manipulate in order to appear holy.

Do I miss the good in this church? Yes, but I cannot be part of a church that I don't respect and I can't be around people I don't respect. If that means that I remain isolated and alone so be it.

April Novel

I started a new novel this morning. I'm plotting as I go and I'm using the Nano word schedule that is in the book by Chris Baty for National Novel Writing Month in November. I need to have a constant novel going at all times to work on in the morning when I get up. I finished my word count and my day was great.

It's amazing where a story will take you and the surprises you find on the page. My stories always stay within certain perimeters. There are some things I just won't write about. I don't want to write anything that I wouldn't want to show my grandchildren. I want to feel proud of what I write. I want to tell a story and make people think. I have fun with the loops and turns that I hadn't anticipated on the page. It happened even this morning right off. It's fun.

Survivor Fiji

I know where Benjamin is on Thursday nights. He's glued to the couch watching Survivor Fiji!

I love watching Survivor. Yes, I'm hooked. The spirit of adventure of living in exotic locations and trying to survive has captured the hearts of millions who watch. I think there is the desire to be part of it in the hearts of everyone who watches.

The member of Moto who has captured my attention and admiration is Yow Man who is the surprise on the team who continues to help his team to win using his mind. Easy going, positive, and smart, Yow Man just might be the one to win. I'm rooting for him. I like him the best.

Lisi was voted off tonight. If she had used her noggin, she would have kept quiet about the clues to find the hidden immunity idol and found it to save herself tonight. It could have kept her going much further. It's a lesson to others of what not to do in future Survivor competitions.

Sewing

I've been having fun sewing the last few weeks for my grandchildren. I made a shirt for Jack out of Curious George fabric that I bought at Joann Fabrics and a dress out of Dora the Explorer fabric for Lizzy. This evening I started working on a Sponge Bob shirt for Alexander.

Writing

I am grateful to have had the chance to talk to my son, Daniel this evening. Even though he's so busy, he helps keep me centered. He listens and understands. I respect and admire him.

In talking through my feelings with him on the phone, I realize that I derive my greatest meaning in life in the last few years when I write first in the morning. The rest of the day is gravy because I know I have accomplished what is most important first thing in the morning. Yes, reading about writing craft is important, exercise, housework, gardening, and other tasks are important but writing must come first always.

I felt so energized in November 2004 when I was working on the Nano Novel for National Novel Writing Month. It may seem silly to try to reach for this seemingly impossible goal to some but for me, it gave me great meaning. It showed me that I could do it. I could write the first draft of a novel in a month. When I look at some of the most popular and prolific writers today, they are writing every day and take it seriously as a job. They churn out three or four books a year. Some publish even more. Take a look at Nora Roberts whose books are on every best seller list. I read that she has published as many as 10 books in a year. It seems impossible. She's truly an inspiration.

I want to renew my commitment to start in the morning to work hard every day on my writing with the goal of completing novel after novel. Maybe I'll never get a novel published. Maybe no one will ever want to read my writing or I'll never make it to the best seller list but I do enjoy the process of creating something new on a page that wasn't expected. It's fun. In my writing is one of the few places in life where I feel powerful. So I'm determined to work hard at churning out books and I will have fun in the process.

American Idol

I was sorry to see Gina go home this week. I loved hearing her sing, "Smile." It's one of my favorite songs of all time and she sang it with power and strength. I wish you great success, Gina. Thank you for singing "Smile."

I don't want to see anyone go home. This is such a talented group. I look forward to seeing American Idol every week. It's entertainment with a big E and is the best talent show on television, along with So You Think You Can Dance.

This week, I cast a vote for almost everyone.

I sure loved seeing Tony Bennett, one of my favorites. I'm sorry he was sick for the Wednesday night show.

Car in the Ditch

Another car in the ditch this week. When I came home from work on Monday, Les said that another car went in the ditch. The air bag deployed and caused an injury to the man's eye. The couple used our phone to get a tow truck.

This corner is a right angle or 90 degree curve. It's abrupt and you can't go 45 miles an hour around this curve without landing in the ditch.

Since we have no shoulder on the road, no walking path, and this curve presents such a severe hazard to motorists, I think this corner should be bipassed and another road should be carved to Deadwood Highway so that traffic from Eugene, logging trucks, and dump trucks can travel on a safer road.

Rats in Mazes

This is a continuing post of the last one entitled "Car in the Ditch."

It's interesting how often people instinctively react the way they are expected to react, as if it were their own choice. My husband didn't want me to go outside last night to see what was going on. He said I was nosey and always trying to get into someone else's business. Yes, I'm a curious sort but I basically obeyed. I like to talk to people. I like to find out what's going on. I went out and just took my picture, stayed a safe distance, and then went back in the house. Les always warns, "don't get involved" and "stay in the house." It reminds me of the line in the Steve Martin movie, "don't trust whitey!" Leslie grew up in Rogers Park in Chicago in an apartment with warnings from his mother of the fat janitor who would throw him in the furnace in the basement and other such horrors. This is why Les likes it out in the middle of no where on his own land. This is his dream.

It's 8:12 a.m. and the car has already been removed from the ditch. That was quick! Usually the cars in the ditch remain a little longer.

I had asked my husband to close the gate to the driveway last night because of the newspaper article saying the county wasn't going to be patroling. We are at the far end of the county and they usually don't patrol much anyway but it did feel like we were on our own a little bit more, if something were to happen.

When I went outside last night to get a little closer to see what was going on and saw the car in the ditch, I saw the police car in front of the driveway that said K-9 unit so I knew there was possible drug involvement in this. I went out of our gate because I knew it was safe with police cars and fire trucks. After I got my photo, I walked by a couple shrivering. My instincts were to ask if they were the owners of the car in the ditch, feed them or give them tea, and offer a place to stay for the night, if needed. I saw Ilene out there in her volunteer firewoman's uniform who owns John Boy's Merchantile and who owns the local bed and breakfast so I used that as one excuse in my mind to not get involved since I figured Ilene would "take care of it" if it was needed. Les would have hollered if I had gotten more involved so I was basically a good girl for just looking and coming back inside. I was already skating on thin ice with him for going outside. I tend to be too trusting.

Something seems to be wrong with our water this morning. Usually Les isn't out there at the well house at this time of morning. Who knows? It's always something around here. I guess that's what makes life an adventure and interesting. Take what comes. Try to turn everything into a positive. Do your best. Be kind to people along your journey. (I guess I fell short on that one last night since I ignored my instinct to want to be kind to the shivering strangers near the ditch.) And try again the next day for each day is a new opportunity to be your best.

In this day and age, you just can't pick up people stranded on the edge of the road or invite strangers into your home. I guess people are taught with crime statistics to stay a safe distance. People are basically rats in mazes who stay within their own safe permeters and operate within the expected boundaries.

Car in the Ditch

There's another car in the ditch this evening. This event happens quite frequently in front of our house. We have a severe curve and several times a year, we see cars face down in the ditch.

I was staying up late this evening sewing a shirt for my four year old grandson, Jack out of Curious George fabric. I went into the kitchen to get another diet Coke out of the refrigerator around 11:30 p.m., when I saw lights flashing in the kitchen window. I looked out and there were two fire trucks, two police cars, people standing in the middle of the road, and an ambulance. I didn't hear a thing. I was watching David E. Kelley's new comedy that I had recorded on the TiVo, The Wedding Bells.

I went outside to find out what was going on and took my camera so I could add to my "car in the ditch" photo collection.

Today was quite productive. I sewed four pillow cases for gifts. I finished sewing a dress for my granddaughter, Lizzy, and the Curious George shirt is almost finished for Jack--all but the button holes. I even drove into Corvallis to buy interfacing at Joann Fabrics so I could finish his shirt tonight.

I'm usually not up this late. I'm usually in bed by 8 or 9 and up at 5 a.m. so this is unusual.

It's 2:04 a.m. right now as I am writing and trucks are still outside finishing up. At a time when Benton County is pulling back services due to budget cuts, it looks like Alsea is taking up the slack and is out protecting everyone in full force. I feel very safe with all the trucks and cars out front. There must be a little more going on than I know about because there is a K-9 unit police car. There must be someone involved with drugs that they are investigating.

Excitement doesn't stop in the small town of Alsea. I think it's time for Wendy to go to bed and try to get some sleep.

American Idol

I love to see talent! Thanks for all the fun, the magic, and outstanding performances showcased on American Idol. I don't want anyone to go home. I like everyone.

This is the first time I've noticed the name of Nigel Lythgoe as Executive Producer, my favorite from So You Think You Can Dance, another one of my favorite shows.

I voted for three tonight--Gina, Blake, and Jordin. They were my favorites tonight. If I had the money to buy a ticket, out of everyone, I'd go to see Blake Lewis.

LaKisha gave another great star performance tonight. Chris Sligh is one of my favorites. He's needs to let his magic show through. I like him. Gina Blocksen has a strong and powerful voice. I'm not a rocker but I can see her becoming a big star. Sanjaya is coming into his own and developing his own fan base. Great job! I like him too. Haley Scarnato needs to let the power come out. It's in there. You're great on stage, Haley! Phil Stacey knows how to sing a song and belongs on stage. Melinda gave another professional performance. Blake is easy going, mellow, and has that edge going on that lifts him above. Jordin was outstanding tonight. Electric! Chris Richardson is really good. Remember how good you are, Chris. Own the stage and believe.

Cinderella School of Modeling

When I was in high school, I went through a course at Cinderella School of Modeling in Salem to learn from Sue Ferguson, the lady who coaches talent to compete in Miss America, Miss Oregon, and other beauty pageants. I learned a lot from her. She's truly a gem.

Yes, I love dressing up, wearing makeup, and having my hair and nails look just perfect. However, through the years, I had to give up all this because I chose to stay at home with my kids and I didn't have the money to primp. If I ever start to make money again, I will have my nails done, I'll buy make up again, I will have my hair done, and I will buy clothes for ME on sale at Gottschalks. Now there are too many other needs and wants with a higher priority.

Canasta

Almost every morning when my husband gets up, we play a game of Canasta to 5,000 points and drink coffee. I deal out 30 cards and it takes two canastas to go out. I made up these rules that we agreed upon. Otherwise, it would take several hours to get to 5,000 points. This is the one of the best times of my day. I love playing canasta. It's a challenge and it's fun to win.

Saving Face

I wonder how many sins are committed each day because of the need to save face and to appear to others as if innocent. Murders are sometimes committed because the murderer didn't want the individual to tell the truth or reveal evidence. All you have to do is read a few mysteries or watch them on television to see a common thread. Find a patzy and blame it on them. Cast suspicion on the one who could rat you out.

Respondant and classical conditioning in experimental psychology teaches that if you push someone down into the ground far enough and do it enough times, that individual will stop trying. That's the lesson of the rat mazes.

If I were rich, I would hire a detective to find out the truth about what has been happening to me the last few years. No one will tell me. I don't have any friends so that doesn't help. I see clues that things aren't right but because I have the need to be fair, ethical, and nice, I wait until I see the truth unfold. I believe that everything will turn out great in the end. I believe in God and that I am protected even though my path has been difficult.

I know that my house has been violated when we have been gone. I have found evidence of things that are missing that I KNOW should be there in a particular place. Once I found photos near the floor by a door when they had been in a drawer. Three cruise photo albums are missing. Some of my journals are missing. Other family photos are gone. Personal things that are important to me and some things that whoever has come in must have snatched for their wife as a gift. Once I called 911 about it to report a theft. No one did anything about it. I said that we have a security system and that the installer told me that there is an installer code that allows them to come into any home by bypassing the code chosen by the home owner. The officer said on the other end of the phone, "Oh, so that's how they do it." I figure this is no ordinary thief. It has to be something official but I want answers. I want to know why. I asked the undersheriff in an e-mail but she didn't answer. I haven't done anything wrong so I count that in the end the truth will win out. Isn't that what is supposed to happen?

It all started when I discovered that the people I worked with at DMV were skimming money from the car dealers and putting it in the safe. I let the cat out of the bag by telling a car dealer who had no idea that he had money coming back to him. Then my life was turned into a hell. I ended up with bleeding ulcers and almost died. I should have just changed jobs or reported what happened to authorities. Instead I reacted like a victim and trusted. Next came a doctor from hell who despite my protests gave me medication that I said I didn't need and didn't want but I trusted and I obeyed because he was a doctor. He said it was stress. He didn't try to help me. When my son died, he didn't even help me through the grieving process. He didn't even discuss it. Why?

Throughout it all I was home doing what I needed to do but I could have been more, doing more, creating more. I trusted and reacted like a victim.

When my son died I realized that maybe if I hadn't been taking the medication prescribed by the doctor, maybe I would have prevented my son's death. I read the book PROZAC BACKLASH and went off of the medication slowly by myself lowering the dosage slowly and carefully watching myself. I could have died but I had no one to help me. My husband didn't care at the time. My husband has been in control of our money all these years and didn't watch out for me financially so that's another way of saying he didn't care about me.

About this time I decided to leave my husband. He refused to keep distance from a woman who called daily and kept coming over. They left together alone at times. He said nothing was going on. It was too much so I decided to leave. He lied and said I was suicidal and put me on a mental ward to be watched. I decided I would consider it a vacation and I rested for a few days. I obeyed and trusted. No one bothered to ask me about MY story. I didn't want to leave my kids so I went back home on the condition that I wouldn't have to keep dealing with the other woman. I trusted again.

Then there was the next doctor who continued what the first doctor started. When I wrote my first article in a major magazine, BIRDS AND BLOOMS, I thought it was finally proof that I was right and that he would be happy for me. I thought he would say that he was wrong and that he would help right the tragic wrong I had endured. Instead, he protended he wasn't my doctor and distanced himself from me. Easier to cast suspicion on the patient than to say "I'm sorry and that I made a mistake." I've never taken medication that wasn't prescribed by a doctor.

I've reacted through most of my life as a victim. When I did have the courage to speak out, I was cut off at the knees and lost everything or no one would believe me. We bought property in Gates. Our deed was rerecorded. There was problems with the property. The builders tried to put too many houses on the hill when the natural water was too close to the surface causing a runoff that damaged property in lower areas. We couldn't sell it. We didn't want to lie. We walked away from it and gave it back to the bank. Two lawyers were there to take what we had left in our savings account. Another attorney said later that we didn't receive proper representation.

We did have money at different times in our life because of two major law suits that my husband won but he didn't take care of the money.

I know there were a lot of crooked things going on in Gates. We lived there for a couple of years. Les' friends told him. I was part of the City Council for a short time and I witnessed an illegal meeting take place. I questioned it and because I wouldn't sign the document saying that I was also guilty, my name is still in question. Why, when I was one the one who questioned whether the meeting was legal and wanted to see proof in writing?

Over and over situations come up like the guys who stole the money in the safe. They say I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, like the soldiers coming home from war. Yes I have been through lots of trauma and loss. I think the cure is to create lots of new, happy memories and create new neuron pathways in the brain. It doesn't help when family doesn't want you living next door, you have no friends, church family or support system, and no money in the bank. So I find my own fun, my own joy, no matter how short or fleeting.

I could write a book about all the crap that has happened to me. Why can't I just get this cleared up and move on? Why does there have to be persistent roadblocks put in my way? I have a right to win and I have a right to flourish. This is the home of the brave and land of the free. Isn't it? It isn't right that people have come into my home and take things without my permission to make me feel off balance. It isn't right that I don't receive all the mail that I should receive. It isn't right that my reputation has been questioned when I haven't done anything wrong. How do you defend yourself against shunning, looks, questioning your ethics, and on and on when no one comes right out and says what you've done and who is the accuser? This isn't how it is supposed to be in the United States? Or have we lost all our freedoms already?

I must have an invisible sign on my forehead that says chump or sucker so that people feel they can do anything and blame it on Wendy. This needs to stop. I need to take my life in my own hands and not allow people to hurt me or blame me for things I haven't done. I need to learn how to protect myself better.

I have a right to exist.
I have a right to live in a home where no one trespasses and takes my possessions.
I have a right to not have my mail tampered with.
I have a right to an opinion.
I have a right to protect myself by standing up for myself and telling the truth.
I have a right to live in peace.
I have a right to have medical care from a smart doctor who cares about me.

I had the nicest general doctor several years ago who cared about me until something happened that changed her mind. What? After a leader in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints found out where I was receiving free medical care and that I liked my doctor, all of a sudden her attitude completely changed. She didn't like me anymore. Cooincidence? I don't think so. Too many opportunities have suddenly had a wall put up when leaders of this church find out where I send my writing or try to create an opportunity for myself. The last time I was at this hospital, I had a mamogram over a year and a half ago. I questioned what happened in my mind. I nicknamed the woman the Savage Squisher in my journal who gave me a dose of radiation that lasted almost two minutes. Was she TRYING to make sure cancer would come back? Again I smiled and acted like nothing was wrong, just like a victim.

I've been accused of many things or at least people have hinted that I've done things. I've never taken illegal drugs. I'm not a lesbian. I've never done anything against the law. I'm honest. I'm not lazy. I have never cheated on my husband. I'm not stupid. I have a genius IQ, for Pete's sake! I'm not crazy. I don't see things that aren't there. I'm a nice person who has been kind even to those who have been cruel, mean, and nasty to me. In fact, I've taken it as a personal challenge to be kind to those who have caused me harm. Isn't that the lesson of Jesus? I've forgiven over and over. I'm a royal nice person and I deserve to be happy. I believe that it is important to be kind to people--all people, to not judge. I try hard every day to do my best. I want people to use their words and to tell me what they mean, instead of trying to manipulate me into doing things they want. I don't like tricks or manipulation.

Will I be murdered or legally silenced because I speak out against wrongs in this blog? Will my house burn down when I'm gone? I've been threatened in the past. We moved into the house that had an official inspection that said everything was perfect and yet nothing worked. It was staged. No heat. The well didn't work. Our house was an electrical wiring puzzle from hell. A water system that had been put in that required over 10 forty pounds of salt dumped in our drinking water every month. I thought something was wrong and I demanded that we change that. I bought drinking water from the store instead and I still do. Things are getting fixed slowly now after almost 6 years. My husband is nicer to me than ever before. He's been trying to fix things. He's doing his best.

My kids are all strong. I need to be strong too. I need to finally stand up for myself and say
THIS IS ENOUGH. I HAVE A RIGHT TO EXIST. I HAVE A RIGHT TO WIN TOO.

I want to be happy, have friends, dance, not have to worry about money, write best-sellers and fight for gifted kids, have dinner parties, see Broadway plays, art museums, the symphony. I want to be loved and cared about because I am nice. I am a survivor and I deserve to be happy too.

Silver Scissors Award

I'm so proud that I received my first Silver Scissors Award at work yesterday. I work at Joann Fabrics. It may seem silly to some that this means so much to be recognized for my work but it does. I love working there. It makes me happy. This award makes me feel like I belong, that I'm accepted and appreciated. It means a lot to me.

Everything inside this store is something that I enjoy or want to enjoy in the future. It represents creative fun and nice people walk through the door every day who share in this love of creating something new.

Even if I am tired when I walk through the door, I mentally turn on a switch to become a Joann Girl who works hard, tries to give great service to each guest, and do my best. I love retail and I love my part-time job. I love helping people. It's fun to have the extra money and it's fun to work at a job that I enjoy. I'm grateful. I work with so many nice people and I enjoy every day that I go into work.

I do love to sell merchandise but I need to believe in what I am selling. When I believe in something, I become a walking commercial. Take for example these great Joann Crafting books that have been on sale for only $5. They are an amazing reference book and the original price is $34.99. For only $5, you can afford to buy several to tuck away as a Christmas gift. I didn't figure out the extreme value but it must be at least 300% off. What a savings! What a buy!

So come into Joann Fabrics and Crafts often. Sign up to be on the mailing list so you can receive the great coupons and so you will know about all the great sales. Remember that you always save at Joann Fabrics. Learn about a new hobby and receive help from all the smiling Joann Girls who work at each store. We care and we are there to help you.