Friends

I believe that a friend is a rare commodity today. Busy schedules make it harder for people to take the time to be a friend.

A real friend to me means someone who watches your back, warns when you are in danger, is loyal, wants you to win, offers advice, discusses plans with you, and is nice. Am I expecting too much? Maybe. Right now I don't have any real friends. I've been too busy through the years with my own life to take the time to cultivate friends so here I am at this stage of life without them, at the very time when I need them.

It seems like people talk to each other less and less. People hint, which can be confusing. Maybe this is because no one wants to be held accountable. I think people assume too much. This might be the reason behind the sage advice of not worrying about what anybody thinks. Be your own person. Find your own answers.

Maybe I just think I need friends because that is what society and pop culture says. A friend needing constant attention is hard to deal with so I tend to stay away from these types. Talking on the phone for hours is difficult when I have so many things I need to do. I'm not the kind of person that wants to meet for coffee every day and can't move a muscle without checking in.

I'm picky. That doesn't help. I don't want to be friends with just anyone. That sounds rather snooty but it's true. I don't want to be manipulated. I don't like games. I want common values. In the past, I have worked hard at being a friend to others and found that there are many takers. I've been betrayed so I'm less willing to put myself out there now.

What this means to me though is that it's hard to achieve any of my goals because I lack a support system. I had tivoed a show that has remained saved for over a year. I finally watched it last week. It said that those people without a mentor, a support system, or close friends are less likely to achieve their goals. They feel alone and it is much harder for them to move forward in life. People without a support system tend to remain stuck.

So what does one do without friends. I pray a lot. I look for my support system in books. I think I need to realize this potential more since there is tremendous support in books. I tend to read writing craft books and mysteries because I'm working on a mystery novel.

My Mom used to say to me often, "Love many, trust few. Always paddle your own canoe." I guess I took her advice to heart because this is what I tend to do. I think this is why I enjoy working in retail. People are kept at a safe distance. I love helping people and being around people. For this same reason, I enjoy interviewing people to showcase their talent or special ability in an article.

My mother also used to say to me that God is watching every thing that I do and can hear my every thought. That has always kept me in line!

Who do I like to talk to most? My kids but they have their own lives and they are busy. I talk to them on average at least once a week--sometimes more, sometimes less.

It comes down to this. I need to work harder at being my own best friend. I've been told several times that no one cares so I have to care.

I think the process of finding a real friend takes time. Maybe it will happen. Maybe not.