Drugs

I've always been anti-drug. I've never used any illegal drugs and I've never even tried marijuana, even though I went through college in the 60's. I have also never smoked because my Dad died of lung cancer from smoking cigarettes.

I have, however, trusted in doctors who gave me prescription medication. Never again. It's hard for me to trust in doctors now. I've always believed in doctors because they are some of the most educated people and are supposedly trying to help people. Some misuse this trust. I know there are good doctors who are ethical and who work hard to help people. However, I no longer blindly trust anyone anymore.

My husband got sick in 1978 with Valley Fever. At the time he was working for Avco Financial Services in San Luis Obispo, California as a manager. He had been transferred into several stores to turn them around. He was good at this. The San Luis Obispo store was the last store. He got sick. Another complication was that his regional supervisor wasn't ready to get the results the old fashioned way. He wanted Les to cheat. Les refused. He knew he would be able to get the results a little longer honestly so the pressure to make things more difficult was applied. He was working during the summer without air conditioning when he was sick without a lot of help. The regional supervisor refused to order air conditioning and refused to let him hire the help he needed. Les told a regional VP what was going on. The sad thing is that this regional VP after telling what happened at headquarters was let go shortly thereafter. I guess this was the beginning of what was to come in business all these years later that cheating on the bottom line would be accepted. My husband refused to play along. He got very sick but took them to court and got an award of $100,000. Then the doctor that he was seeing put him on heavy medication that would continue over the years with other doctors when we moved back to Salem, Oregon.
Was it because he spoke out and dared to tell the truth?

Then I went to work in Salem years later so we could move into a better neighborhood and have a nicer house. I did this for my children and for their future. I wanted them to have the best because they were the best and are the best. I took the first job with the state of Oregon that I was offered. I was eager to do well. I was ambitious and smart and willing to work hard. I got hired by DMV. I first worked in accident records. Then I worked on the phones to answer questions. In two years, I earned three promotions. My last job was at the DMV in Portland on 6th Avenue downtown. It was hard because I was driving back and forth every day on I-5 and living in South Salem. The problem came when I discovered that the people I worked with were holding back money from car dealers and keeping it in the safe. I told one of the car dealers that he had money coming back to him. He was surprised. I should have told someone at DMV at a much higher level what I had discovered. After this, the people I worked with made my life miserable. I should have quit. It's hard for me to quit at things. I keep trying harder. I ended up with bleeding ulcers and almost died. The union didn't help me because one of the people I was working with was a union boss so they believed him. So I went to the doctor that my husband was seeing at the time at the suggestion of my husband. Since I had bleeding ulcers, the bad kind not caused by bacteria, that was caused by stress, I went to see my husband's doctor, Dr. Bennett Wight. I trusted that he was doing what was best for me. I trusted that he knew what he was doing so I did what he said. I took the medication that he prescribed. I kept questioning but I still trusted. Now looking back, I believe that he should have said to me that the best thing was to get another job and do something else. He didn't. He kept giving me medication that I didn't feel I needed for ten years. I've learned that when a doctor says something that people believe it. I also learned that if you take one medication and it has side effects that doctors often prescribe more medication for the side effects giving a whole new set of symptoms and causing new problems. I don't believe in taking any prescription medication now at all, unless absolutely necessary.

My belief in this doctor came to a crashing halt when my son, Aaron died. Dr. Wight didn't even talk to me about my son's death or try to help me. Around this time I ordered a book from the Book of the Month Club called Prozac Backlash, which told of the horrors of prescription medication. I made a decision to go off all the medication on my own, slowly. I reduced the dosage slowly over time. I felt very alone but I knew I needed to do this for my family. I felt betrayed by this doctor. Since I was on workman's comp at the time under this doctor's care, I went to other doctors and attorneys in Portland to have them look at my case. They said it was a clear case of malpractice. My husband went to court and we won a large settlement. Dr. Tran came next. He talked to me about nutrition and exercise. He was nice and tried to help but refused to have anything to do with me and disavowed any dealings with me after I showed him my article that I published in Birds and Blooms. I thought this was odd. Did this mean that he misinterpreted me? I haven't had a doctor in many, many years. I don't take any prescription medication, nor do I intend to do so. The last thing that Dr. Tran said to me was to start over, to walk away from my life and not look back. How do you do that when you don't have savings, friends, and a job so you can be self supporting?

I tried to leave my husband after my son died and after I stopped taking most of the medication. My husband lied about me to stop me from leaving. He said I was suicidal and had me put on a psychiatric wing at Good Samaritan Hospital in Corvallis for a week. I wasn't suicidal. I was just trying to leave my husband. They couldn't believe that anyone would be taking the combination of medication that I was taking at the time by Dr. Wight. All the medication had been prescribed and ordered by Dr. Wight. It makes me wonder what other doctors are giving multiple medications that should be questioned.

I was talking to my son this weekend. I know that I wasn't completely there for him when he needed me at different times. I didn't always listen to him as he listens to me. I'm sorry. When you take any kind of medication, it prevents you from being fully present to help anyone around you. It dulls your senses. I am sorry. I am sorry I trusted. I don't blame any of my children from being angry with me. I blame myself for listening to doctors and for taking any medication. I should have just got a different job. Healthy choices never medicate or dull the senses. I have always tried to do the right thing but it didn't always turn out to be the right thing.

I was told by a doctor this last week at OHSU that I am "so good natured." I've always been easy-going. It's so nice to see good doctors who are supportive and encouraging and who care about you as a patient. Dr. Present was removing a mole at the time--a large mole that required several stitches.

I've tried hard over the years to heal myself by writing, eating lots of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, and by exercise. Life is not always easy. You make the best choices you can in life and do the best you can. I am grateful when I come across nice people, good people who are ethical, inspiring, and have character. I hope I have a future with friends, with the opportunity to learn and grow continually. I hope I'm okay and that I don't have cancer again. I hope that I can lose the weight. I hope that I can publish books and that I have a chance to earn money to make possibilities happen. I hope that someday my kids will like me again.