I went into the 4-H office yesterday to meet with Tammy, the Director at the Extension Office for 4-H. She’s nice. I like her. I made an appointment to come in and meet with her about being a 4-H leader after talking to her on the phone a couple of days ago. After I got off the phone, I wrote up a curriculum of what I wanted to teach since they didn’t have any materials for a writing group.

This is what I thought should be included:
Elements that make up a meeting: 4-H meeting format, teaching writing craft, teaching graphic design and how to use Microsoft Publisher, writing exercises, grammar and vocabulary building, presentation by a student, learning to edit or critique, interview techniques, photography. Longer workshops could teach how to write creative non-fiction, essays, news writing, articles, interviews, and create Power Point presentations. Some of the writing projects that could be produced as a club: create a newsletter using Microsoft Publisher 2 to 4 times a year, submit articles to the Extension Newsletter, submit articles to the Alsea Valley Voice, encourage submission to magazines and ezines, visit the Corvallis Gazette Times to talk with reporters and editors, self-publish a book each year composed of essays, interviews, articles and creative non-fiction on sale at amazon.com, create videos of mock interviews, start magazine for other 4-H clubs in Oregon to submit articles, visit magazines. Ways to mix other 4-H club elements with Writing Club—during long meetings bake something together, visit Neo Clonal Germplasm Repository in Corvallis to interview experts and write articles, prepare questions to ask experts, like an entomologist.

I enjoyed my visit with Tammy. I thought it would be fun to be a 4-H leader again. The problem is that I don’t have any references. I need three. I don’t have any close friends or chums or buddies. I haven’t done anything against the law or caused harm so that’s not a problem but I have kept people at a distance the last few years. I’ve been going through a spiritual crisis. From 1995 through 2001, I was active in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I had students involved with a newsletter and taught workshops for them. I was a Primary President and wrote a nativity play that we performed. All my friends were in this church but when I started to question the ethics and practices, I was shunned. I had no friends left. I was hurt, betrayed, and vulnerable so I have kept myself at a distance from everyone.

So I guess I’m back to square one. It was a nice idea. I wanted to feel needed and contribute to empowering children. I love to teach and I miss opportunities to teach. I guess I have enough to do to keep me busy. I’m having fun with the Alsea Valley Voice. I have a lot to do in my garden and take care of my home and watch out for my husband. I guess I’m backing into my cocoon again to nurse my wounds. When I whine like this, I’m not good for anyone anyway. I have a lot to do. I need to concentrate on losing weight, eating healthy, exercising a lot more, writing more, reading more, decluttering, and make my house spotless. That should be enough to keep me busy but my heart keeps yearning to be involved, contribute, make a difference, teach, and do more than I am doing now. It would help so much to have a good friend to talk things over with who would encourage me and want me to win. I think friends are rare and I’m not sure I have ever had a real friend for very long in my life, if ever. The only friend I have in the world is Leslie, my husband. That’s it. So I’ll concentrate on trying to make him happy. I love being around my kids but they are active and busy. They do what they can. Daniel calls often and listens to me. Benjamin sent me three train tickets this year to come visit. Gretchen calls. Sometimes I get to talk to Joe. I love them all. They are the best people I know.