So it is done. It is over. I feel sad but it is time to move on. It just didn't work out.
I gave Lori, the manager a letter asking for a 6 month leave of absence to concentrate on my writing. I can't do everything I want to do and my time is getting squished with deadlines for writing, my class at UW, learning Zumba choreo, and classes to be a fitness trainer. I could tell that I didn't have a future at Joanns so I started branching out. I wanted time off but she said no. She said that I'm trying to leave at a busy time and I'm needed. I told her that I didn't feel needed or valuable. I told her that I have been trying really hard to do my best, work hard, do what I am asked, and to give great customer service. She agreed that I was doing this, but I pointed to my golden scissors on my name tag which I said I had to ask for because customers told me that they had recommended me. What does it mean when I have to ask for it? Besides, most of the time lately I have just been putting stuff away.
What really got me was that Lori said that she knows that not all the young people have the work ethic I do but they are trying to work with them on this. People promoted and management KNOWS they don't possess a great work ethic.
I haven't been treated with respect at work. I'm even bossed around by new people who tell me I should be going here and there. To one I responded, "respect is important too." I get tired of hearing the mean comments and how people treat one another.
There are several people who will rejoice now that I am gone--Vivian, Heather, Christopher, Beth, Vicki, Bethany, and several others. Many don't think that I am capable or good enough to even sweep the floor. I've been passed over for four promotions since I started. I wasn't even considered. This kind of hurts. I know I am 65 and fat but I really try hard. I want to do well. I want a good future. I want to be part of things. I can see all kinds of way to make things more efficient and to help but what is the use of offering anymore ideas when my best isn't good enough or wanted.
I was asked to teach a class for children. I was thrilled and happy to do so. I was told to come in ten minutes early. I came in an hour early and after looking at what needed to be done, I should have come in the day before to get ready. Not all the materials were in the box and there were no directions. I had to scrounge things. I did my best. The kids and parents went away happy. I haven't been asked again. I think I was supposed to fail. I've been tested like this and so many times at Joann's with extreme situations and I think I was supposed to run a long time ago but I didn't want to quit. Now it is done.
It also isn't fun when I haven't been trained how to do something and then when I ask, the one who comes does it so fast that I don't know what happened or how to duplicate it and then I am expected to know it. That isn't training, in my opinion.
There are four new supervisors who have been hired since I started. I don't know anything about them. I think it would been nice to introduce each one and tell a little bit about them in writing. It would have been respectful to the new supervisors and respectful to everyone else so we understand and can appreciate the new supervisors. They are thrown in the mix and expected to lead. I'm not told anything or included so it is really just following whatever I am told by whomever. I think it could be better.
I really think that there should be a check list for the cutting counter for things that should be done so that it is ready for use. For example, there really should be sharpened scissors in each of the holders in the morning. I like Fiscars and we don't even have a Fiscars scissors sharpener in the drawer to use. Some of the scissors should be thrown away.
I was supposed to work this morning. I didn't go in. No one even called. I'm sure they are having a party.
It's okay. It didn't work out. I have loved helping customers. I enjoy hearing about all the creative projects. I love everything that Joann Fabrics sells. I feel sad that I am not going to be part of the fun but it isn't fun when you aren't made to feel a part of things or that you are valued or wanted. I need to move on and find something else. I'm going to miss my discount. Oh, well, it is done.
I look forward to the future and new things. I want a great future. I want people surrounding me who encourage me and want me to be my best. I want to learn and grow and thrive. I want to make more money. I want to be able to offer ideas and be part of the creative process of making things better. I want to be able to make enough money to go to Broadway plays, the symphony, the ballet, and to travel. $9.19 an hour for a few hours a week just doesn't do it.
Epilogue: I went into Joann Fabrics this morning. I guess I wanted to test the waters plus I needed to buy a bunch of muslin to cover my dining room table to create a fort for my granddaughter complete with windows. So I was waiting by the cutting counter. I had #11 and was waiting. Vicki called out #11. I showed her that I had 11. She said "Oh, I can't wait on you!" in a very snotty tone looking over at Christopher and Heather who laughed. They can find someone else to make fun of and taunt. I'm tired of it. I don't think it is nice. I take a lot and then I start slinging words in my blog.
I wish I could be like that young girl in the jewelry store in the show Bridesmaids who slings words back at Annie. I've never been able to do that. I just take it.